Over the past 7 years coaching clients around how to build their personal brand, I’ve come to recognize that no amount of strategy or skill can make up for a lack of self-confidence.
Building self-confidence is crucial to your ability to influence others, achieve your dreams and fulfill your life’s purpose.
But what is self-confidence?
And how can you become your most confident self even if you’re currently questioning your ability to succeed?
In her article, “What is Self-Confidence?” Tanya J. Peterson explains that “self-confidence is a positive feeling about oneself and the world that leads to courageous actions born out of a sense of self-respect. It is the courage to know yourself, believe in yourself, and act on your beliefs.”
The University of Florida, Counseling Center defines self confidence as “an attitude about your skills and abilities. It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life.”
Throughout my life and career, self-confidence has been the difference between charging $100 or $6000 for my services. It’s the reason why I speak publicly about issues of cultural and racial identity, even when I recognize that I have so much more to learn.
Self-confidence is why I’ve shown up consistently in my business for over 7 years, even during the months when clients were few and cash was tight.
If you want to improve self confidence then you must learn how to cultivate the beliefs and engage in the practices that result in positive feelings and a sense of ownership of your life.
Building self-confidence: Identify your passions and your purpose.
A lack of clarity around who you are and what you want out of your life can be really disconcerting and the reason that so many people struggle with self-confidence.
When I first immigrated to the USA from Australia back in 2011 I was in the same boat, asking the question of “Who am I? And what am I meant to be doing with my life?”
In Australia I had a budding new career as an Occupational Therapist, working in the hospital system for $65,000 a year. I had spent my life up until that point working towards a singular goal—get a professional job and make money.
Upon immigrating to the USA my professional credentials didn’t transfer and I could no longer work in the career I had spent years working towards. I was thrown into a prolonged period of confusion and my self-confidence plummeted into the ground.
I had no idea who I really was or what I desired out of life and it was evident in my newly appointed $8.25 an hour paycheck, an amount almost $10 below minimum wage in Australia.
It took me almost 4 years to realize that if I didn’t get clear on my passions, desires or purpose, then I would always be stuck in a perpetual cycle of self-doubt!
Building self-confidence begins with seeking clarity around what you desire to do, who you desire to be and how you want to experience life.
If you’re feeling lost in life, then seeking clarity is an important step in the process of becoming your most confident self.
Journaling, visioning, and taking imperfect action towards small goals at this stage of your journey can be highly clarifying.
When I began thinking intentionally about the vision I had for my life; journaling regularly about my dream life and career, and creating vision boards with imagery of places, people and things I desired to see in my future, my entire life began to come into focus and my self-confidence increased exponentially.
How to get self-confidence: Adopt an attitude and mindset of growth.
When we can accept that learning and self-growth is continuous, then it becomes easier to have positive feelings towards ourselves and our current place and position in life.
If you were to believe that you had all the knowledge, skills and experience you need to thrive at this moment in your life, how would you act?
If you accepted and felt content knowing that you will gain greater clarity, become increasingly masterful, and grow better and brighter every day—would you feel more self-confident?
Recently I had a client express fear around not knowing all the answers when it came to serving her clients. She feared that she “didn’t know enough” and it was impacting her ability to show up confidently and promote her work.
“But what if they ask me something I don’t know the answer to?” she asked. I gently reminded her that no-one knows all the answers to matters of life, love, or business but as long as we commit to ongoing growth we will have everything we need to be successful.
There’s power and relief in identifying as a lifelong learner, student and connoisseur of life.
Confident self: Let’s challenge unhelpful beliefs.
A part of adopting a growth mindset is understanding that we all have beliefs that pose a threat towards our sense of self-confidence, whether we’re currently aware of them or not.
For a long time I believed that I had to have a laundry list of client testimonials and decades of experience to work with high ticket coaching clients. I felt ridiculously nervous pitching my coaching programs to prospective clients because I feared hearing “no” and I didn’t want them to think I was asking for too much.
When people didn’t sign on as clients then it meant I didn’t deserve to receive the compensation I asked for and that I was a bad coach.
It wasn’t until I reframed my beliefs, acknowledging that my work as a coach is life-changing for clients and therefore worthy of massive compensation, that I could share my coaching programs with confidence. And you know what? I started signing high ticket coaching clients.
If we believe we’re not capable of achieving our goals, not as competent as our colleagues, not as beautiful or smart or worthy as others, then we will always look to these beliefs for reasons as to why we aren’t where we want to be in life.
If we hold the beliefs that we need to know more, do more or be something more, than who we currently are in order to achieve success then we will always be looking for self-confidence in all the wrong places.
How to build up the confidence to take action even when you’re scared or nervous.
You may have heard the quote by Suzy Kassem, “doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will” and in my years working with clients I have seen this truth play out over and over again.
My client Jenny is a perfect example. Jenny came to me wanting to build her online coaching business. Over the years she had hired multiple strategists, coaches and had participated in many programs all designed to help her increase her income and impact.
Jenny had a gorgeous website, a killer social media feed and one of the most beautiful visual brands I’ve ever seen. But she was struggling to get traction and sign new clients.
It quickly became obvious that despite having all the strategies in place, Jenny lacked the self-confidence to ask for the sale! Not to mention every time it looked like an idea or launch wasn’t going to plan, she would jump ship before it sank! Doubt would creep in and she would freeze up and abandon her dream before she failed.
Fear and self doubt can be paralyzing and cause us to stay stuck in cycles of inaction which are detrimental to self-confidence development.
In their book, “The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know”, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman explain the cyclical nature of confidence.
They state, “If confidence is a belief in your success, which then stimulates action, you will create more confidence when you take that action.”
If you want to increase self-confidence then you first have to take bold, courageous action towards your goals and dreams—feel the fear and do it anyway!
Over time Jenny realized that she would not be successful unless she took action and saw it through until the very end, despite her fear and doubt.
Eventually she gained the confidence to see her goals through to completion and began signing VIP day clients that paid her more than she’d ever received!
Self-confidence builder: Take care of your body.
From our physical health to our personal presentation, when we love ourselves from the inside-out we show up with greater self-confidence.
An article by Harvard Health Publishing explains, “when you put in the effort to improve your appearance, you find that your opinion of yourself becomes more positive”.
Neglecting our bodies through lack of movement, proper nourishment, sleep deprivation, lack of rest and relaxation signals to ourselves and the world that we aren’t our own priority.
Building self-confidence demands that we take care of our bodies, invest in ourselves and prioritize engaging in the self-care that contributes to a positive outlook of ourselves and our lives.
So if you’ve been avoiding exercise, prioritizing work over rest, dismissing how you present yourself through dress and grooming, then now may be the time to show yourself some love.
How to get self-confidence: Build your support network.
The people you surround yourself with have a direct impact on your self-confidence, according to Irene Levine aka The Friendship Doctor.
In her article, “5 ways friends help build our self-confidence” Levine shares how friends provide a much needed outside perspective, encouragement and support that is necessary to overcoming self-doubt and challenging our beliefs. In other words—who you keep close matters!
When you desire to live a life of intention and impact, it’s vital that you know how to develop self-confidence and commit to implementing these practices into your life.
So, who are you surrounding yourself with? Are they building your self-confidence or tearing it down?
I’d love for you to comment below and tell me which of these practices you feel like you need to prioritize first in order to build your self-confidence.
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Article References:
Peterson, T. (2017, May 24). What Is Self-Confidence? HealthyPlace. Retrieved on August 30, 2021 from https://www.healthyplace.com/self-help/self-confidence/what-is-self-confidence
University of South Florida, Counseling Center (2021). What is Self Confidence? Retrieved on August 30, 2021 from https://www.usf.edu/student-affairs/counseling-center/top-concerns/what-is-self-confidence.aspx
Kay, K. & Shipman, C. (2014). The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers
Harvard Health Publishing (2019) Regain your confidence. Harvard Medical School. Retrieved on August 20, 2021 from https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/regain-your-confidence
Levine, I. (2011) Five Ways Friends Help Build Our Self-Confidence. Psychology Today. Retrieved on August 30, 2021. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201110/five-ways-friends-help-build-our-self-confidence
